new stages in life, old memories

so i haven't done this in a while. i missed it. anyway...

so i'm getting ready for the big move home in a few days. it's really weird to think about it. i'm really excited for it but i'm really not. i'm nervous and excited and sad but estatic and i don't know what else. i'm so happy to see my friends again from home, but at the same time i don't want to leave all the amazing friends that i've made up in minnesota during my time at school. i just don't know. there are the friendships that i will always have no matter where i live or what i do, they will just be there. it's those friendships that i need to get by. but then there are those friendships that aren't such a sure thing. i know that once i move away from that immediate contact things are going to change. as much as i don't want them to they will. i wish i could take that friendship and bring it with me no matter where i go. these friendships are so volotile but instead of being what i need, it's what i want. in a sense i do need them. something to keep me on my toes and to challenge me because honestly i don't want everything to be easy. but at some point where do i draw the line of what is a challenge and what is too much. i don't know. somewhere in me knows and i wish it would shout out the answer.

anyway, so had some nostalgia the other day. i was going through all my cd's that i never really listen to b/c my cd case is tucked under the back seat of my truck. i found this old mix that my ex from high school made. it just made me laugh for a few reasons. a) i couldn't believe that i liked half of the songs. b) i remember how i thought i was in love and c) remembering all the emotional attachment i had to them. i felt silly listening to it b/c i hadn't listened to many of those songs for a long time. they were just songs now. no special attachment or anything. i wonder if all the songs that i have some attachment too will fade. songs that remind me of people or an event or whatever, will that all just fade too. songs that carve themselves into a memory, do they matter less as time goes? there was a song that i couldn't listen to for over a year b/c it was linked to my dad passing away. now as time has passed i enjoy it again. does this mean that the songs that remind me of my favorite memories will lose their meaning too?

i'm going to miss my friends so much once i leave. i don't want anything to change, just to hit the pause button on everything while i move home. then hopefully bring everyone that i've ever been close with together in one place and i can see whoever i want whenever i want. yea right. as much as i wish i could do that...

paul ellis- the world aint slowing down
billy talent- devil in a midnight mass
jack's mannequin- holiday from real
guster- satelite
keane- bad dream
number one gun- wake me up