happiness and prayer habits

so i've always really liked the idea of having some deep and thoughtful blog that tons of people follow and change their lives through it...

well i'm not that deep nor intellectual. i'm simple. i don't have a ton of deep life changing thoughts that people write down and bring up later. and i'm ok with that. i am who i am, and i'm happy with who i am and where i am. i don't need something to show off or someone to tell me that i'm a good person or whatever. i know that i'm not perfect, in fact i'm far from it. i wish that would pray more. i wish i were more faithful in my studies and devotion time. but i know that despite my shortcomings i can be happy with myself.

so after listening to a podcast of my old testament professor i'm wondering why i havne't been better about spending time in devotions or prayer lately. i don't know if it's because i don't think anything will come from it(because i know that God hears everything and acts when and how it's appropriate) or if i'm too busy(which is a lie, i spend more time on facebook than anything) or whatever my excuse is. dr. alterman said something that struck me and i know i need to listen to it a little more attentively than just for class.

"i may not be able to explain how prayer changes the world, but i know that prayer changes me"

i think prayer is indeed a lost art. people don't do it so much anymore. we live in a world of distractions. things are always pulling us away from what we need to be doing or thinking what we need to be thinking. i'm rereading the book "praise habit" by david crowder and he mentions that he read somewhere that if you do something for 21 consecutive days it becomes an involuntary habit by the end of that time. he started that off by picking up some random habit but then talks about how we never make habits out of good things. when we think of the word habit we automatically think of something bad, why don't we ever think of good habits we have? it's sad but we always focus on the negative rather than the positive. if only our culture were a little different and worried about the good thigns that people bring to the table instead of the things that either annoy us or we think is wrong with them. lets try for making some of those good habits why don't we? even those silly things like getting to bed early, putting dishes away, smiling at a stranger when they say hi.


kings of leon: use somebody
stevie wonder: i just called to say i love you(or whatever the name of the song is, you know it)
mewithoutyou: in a sweater poorly knit
damien rice: delicate( i know i repeat alot of these songs, like i said, i'm fairly simple to please)
deathcab for cutie: i will follow you into the dark
goo goo dolls: name
the swell season: low rising
30 seconds to mars: kings and queens

john mayer? really?

so here i am, start of another semester. classes are intimidating, looking like i'm gonna be busy alot. even more so than last semester.

it looks like it's shaping up for a lonely semester. but that's not what i came to manhattan for. i came to finish school and refocus my efforts where they should have been: on school and God. work needs to get put into that secondary role. i let it slip into a primary thing before, and so with that said, i need to make sure that i don't lose track of my priorities.

so i started a workout program w/ a friend. we're hopefully gonna be taking it seriously and not losing track of our goals. i'm happy that i have someone to achieve those goals with. i need that time where i can just zone out and focus on my run or lifting or whatever i happen to be doing. now that i have someone to hold myself accountable hopefully i'll get to doing that more often

but still i'm lonely. all my guy friends can only do so much. not to take away from them at all, but it's still not the same. my best friend advised me that i should just pray about it more often,, which i'll admit i haven't been so good about lately. but now that i'm getting at it more, i'm just frustrated waiting for the results. trusting God is easy to say you do, and easy to do often times, but with certain subjects, you kinda get anxious. i'm glad i'm not letting someone run my life for me, make my decisions as to who i hang out w/ and what i do. but i would enjoy some input on it. i feel like i complain alot about this. i shouldn't, but i do.

so john mayer huh? yea, i never really like him much but his song heartbreak warfare really jumps out at me. the lyrics stick with me.
"disappointment has a name, it's heartbreak"
"I dont care if we dont sleep at all tonight
Lets just fix this whole thing now
I swear to God were gonna get it right
If you lay your weapons down"

stuff like that. it's true, no matter what you're disappointed with, if you really are disappointed with it is heartbreak. some are destined to be disappointed more than others though. i seem to be destined to feel it alot more than others. i wish sometimes people would put their "weapons" away for a bit and just realize what they have going for them. i'm not just talking with me, but i see others who could be so happy but they're spending their time chasing things that don't matter. i would prefer to chase things that DO matter, like school and opportunities to learn about God but i know that i get caught up in trivial things. with that said, i'm going to bed and leaving with the best lyric of the song

"Drop his name, push it in and twist the knife again
Watch my face as I pretend to feel no pain pain pain"



relient k: which to bury, us or the hatchet?
john mayer: heartbreak warfare
john mayer: friends, lovers or nothing
melee: can't hold on
keith urban: standin' right in front of you
lady antebellum: need you now
dustin kensrue: pistol